High School Social Games and Fallout

The year was 1978.  It was spring of my sophomore year of high school, and I was dating a really nice, cute young man one grade above me.  In doing so, I was introduced and welcomed into the drama and choir crowd, as John excelled at both.  One such person was Mark.  Mark, a senior, and I quickly became friends and enjoyed getting to know each other.  He acted, sang, played piano, and liked to talk on a deep level.  

But Mark was struggling with an issue about which we never discussed--same sex attraction.  Maybe that's what made it so easy to be friends with him while dating one of his friends; there was simply no threat of Mark and I becoming involved romantically.  I don't know how much taunting he may have endured amongst the crowd at school, since he was not particularly effeminate but also not traditionally masculine.  He was simply Mark, and that is how I thought of my friend.  When our annuals came out, Mark graced mine with a lengthy dissertation, and I felt very special to have such a friend.  

Then there was THAT day.  I walked into the cafeteria for lunch, walked over to the table where my friends were sitting, and Mark gave me a big hug.  For some reason I will never understand, this incited another young man Rich who jumped over the table, yanked Mark away from me and clenched his fist to throw a punch at Mark.  Thankfully, more than one person stepped in, along with myself, to stop this, but the moment stayed with me.  After that dreadful day, things were never the same with me and Mark.  Did he change? Did I change?  

A few weeks and at least one school dance passed, and Mark called my home (since cell phones were not yet invented) to invite me to senior prom.  It was an awkward conversation which ended with me turning him down, a risk alway present for any guy brave enough to ask me out.  I simply was not brave enough to endure and respond appropriately to whatever situation might occur there, and I felt certain in my gut that something very unpleasant would happen.  We didn't speak again.  

My senior year of high school I would write a short essay for English Comp class entitled "Homosexual Rights."  At that time, the only issues I knew about were equal employment opportunities.  A fan of equal rights for women, this struck a chord with me, and it would have supported my old friend.

Fast forward to fall of 1983 when I moved in with my uncle and his family while taking classes at the university in preparation to apply to physical therapy school for the following year.  That first week of classes, all the clubs and student organizations were peddling there causes and encouraging people to sign up.  I saw Mark!  Excited to see him again in a different setting and both of us with a few years under our belts, I approached and greeted him.  He feigned complete lack of recognition of me, going so far as to say he didn't even recognize my name.  Now President of the Gay-Lesbian Association for the campus, he wanted nothing to do with me. 

Over the years I have thought about this relationship and all that happened in a very brief period of time, things that changed me, changed Mark.  I still know in my heart it was the right decision for that somewhat socially immature 15 year old girl; I knew my limit for that situation.   But it still troubles me.  A couple of attempts to reach out to him at all have been ignored.  What would I say to him now?  "I'm sorry I couldn't be who you were needing at that time."  As I consider it anew, I wonder if maybe I was exactly who he needed at that time.  Perhaps I spared him a disastrous evening, a horrible Senior Prom experience that would have scarred him much more deeply than my rejection.


Names were changed to protect privacy.

At Just The Right Time

This morning I during my time with God I was reading in Galations chapter 4 when verses 3-4a jumped out at me: 

In the same way we also, when we were children, were in slavery under the elemental forces of the world. When the time came to completion, God sent His Son...

I got to thinking about my own time of slavery.  When I was 12 years old I made the intellectual and heart decision to ask Jesus to be my savior.  I knew that because of my sin I was separated from God and was doomed to Hell. I wanted to spend my eternity in Heaven.  I was baptized in water, but I didn't change.  I was a slave to the tides of my emotions and the hurts in my heart.

Over the course of many years I tried to follow God, but I was doing it in my own effort.  I memorized tons of scriptures, studied God's Word and was mentored by amazing people God put in my path.  He was there with me and gave me spiritual discernment that I did not have had on my own.  

But I didn't exactly consult God about how I was living my life and the decisions I was making.  I tried and tried many ways to fill the vast emptiness inside of me through the tempting offerings of a sinful world.  The void got bigger and bigger, and the pain inside me from all the losses and wounds grew increasingly unbearable.  One day I was driving on a mountain road, considering driving off the road to end the pain, weighing the permanence of such a decision and the devastation it would wreak on others.  In that moment, God spoke the words of His Son to my heart: 

 I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.  John 10:10

That's what I wanted!  I didn't want to die!  I wanted to really, really live!  What  a life-giving moment.  My decisions from that point were based no longer upon existing, enslaved to my feelings and past, but upon THRIVING--living in the fullness of my salvation through having Jesus be Lord of my life.  

As I have grown in my relationship and trust with God, I have seen how the more I let the Holy Spirit take control in my heart and trust Him with the difficult trials, I have peace and freedom.  I don't ever want to go back to that time of slavery from which God rescued me at just the right time.

Christ has liberated us to be free. Stand firm then and don’t submit again to a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

As the time nears for special celebration of the birth of Christ, I celebrate how He liberated me from the chains and encumbrances of this world into freedom in Him. I AM FREE!

Those Capricious Goats!

Today’s Word of the Day from my iPad's Dictionary app is “caprine,” an adjective of or pertaining to goats.  

This self-described wordsmith’s first thought is that "caprine" must be the root word for "capricious."  Wrong.  “Caprine's" derivative is Latin and came along around 1600, several years after the French derivative of "capricious."  Further dictionary use tells me “capricious” means "subject to or led by or indicative of a sudden odd notion or unpredictable change; erratic, " or "obsolete, fanciful."  It comes from the music term capriciosso which means "fantastic".  

Back to Word of the Day, my next thought turns spiritual:  "Do you want to be a sheep or a goat?"   

All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left.              Matthew 25:32-33 NKJV

A quick internet search on goat behavior leads me to a very lengthy discourse on Wikipedia.  I know you can’t wait to read it. ;O)

Goats are extremely curious and intelligent. They are also very coordinated and widely known for their ability to climb and hold their balance in the most precarious places. This makes them the only ruminant able to climb trees, although the tree generally has to be on somewhat of an angle. Due to their agility and inquisitiveness, they are notorious for escaping their pens by testing fences and enclosures, either intentionally or simply because they are handy to climb on. If any of the fencing can be spread, pushed over or down, or otherwise be overcome, the goats will almost inevitably escape. Due to their high intelligence, once a goat has discovered a weakness in the fence, it will exploit it repeatedly, and other goats will observe and quickly learn the same method.

So, goats are constantly testing the limits, crossing the boundary lines simply because they can and want to.  My dog Belle is an extremely intelligent Border Collie-Labrador mix, and she makes hobby of finding ways to escape our yard just for the sport of it.  She climbs, digs, squeezes, jumps to   break free for an adventure.  As a follower of Jesus, when I "break free" from God's fence of guidance provided in His Word by stumbling or jumping into sinful behavior, I make sport of Jesus' suffering on the cross to pay penalty for my transgressions.  This kind of erratic behavior in a Christian would seem more characteristic of a goat than a sheep.

More about goats:

Goats have an intensely inquisitive and intelligent nature; they will explore anything new or unfamiliar in their surroundings. They do so primarily with their prehensile upper lip and tongue. This is why they investigate items such as buttons, camera cases or clothing (and many other things besides) by nibbling at them, occasionally even eating them.

When my children were babies their curiosity was a cue to their untapped intelligence.  Curiosity's strength  became my friend “Gina’s” weakness when her inquisitiveness drew her into the dangerous realm of the occult.  Her curiousity gave way to behavior which eventually caused her to lose her job, her reputation, and finally her child.  “Gina” turned away from God because she could not recognize His voice.   John 10:4 says "his sheep follow him because they know his voice."  Verse five goes on to say that His sheep won't follow a stranger but will only follow His voice.   A spiritual goat, such as "Gina," searches for and follows after spiritual ideas that are novel and fit into her own notion of who God is and/or how the universe operates.   Proverbs 14:12 warns us, “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

Back to Wikipedia:

When handled as a group, goats tend to display less clumping behavior than sheep, and when grazing undisturbed, tend to spread across the field or range, rather than feed side-by-side as do sheep. When nursing young, goats will leave their kids separated ("lying out") rather than clumped as do sheep.  

 Every year a the Fort Worth Stock Show Rodeo groups of kids are given the opportunity to earn scholarships by trying to rope calves.  It's sort of like herding cats; those calves spread out in all directions.  But in another segment of the rodeo when a little border collie goes out to round up sheep, the sheep stay together as a flock.  While I do not want to feel like I have to “follow the crowd,” per se, I also don’t want to have to go it alone.  I cannot tell you the number of people I’ve talked to over the years who insist they do not need to go to church to be a Christian.  They rant about how they worship God in their own homes in front of their TV’s and don’t have to be with all those hypocrites.  This is sad because fellowship with God’s people keeps us encouraged and keeps us from becoming ensnared in sin.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left.             ~~~~Hebrews 10:24-26

So maybe a capricious spiritual seeker really is caprine-like after all, subject to their own stubborn curiosity and independence to the point of detriment.  The more I read about goats, the more I want to be a sheep.

Focal Point

After a person suffers from an injury to their back or legs or undergoes a surgery to one of these parts, it is my job as a Physical Therapist to help them return to a normal walking pattern.  So often, even after all their strength has been regained, mobility restored, and pain resolved, they continue to limp.  Especially those who have had chronic pain.  After what has sometimes been years of pain and walking with an antalgic, painful gait the habit is so strong that their entire carriage has shifted to adapt to the pain.  I then tell them to focus on a fixed point on a wall 15-20 feet ahead and walk again.  This time the head is held high, the limp goes away, and the path is straight!  

Sometimes even believers painfully limp along in the wake of year after year of unforeseen hardships and tragedies, missing out on the opportunity for joy.  I found myself in this position not long ago after a number of years of challenging medical problems amongst myself, my husband and both our sons while also walking through a long series of other personal difficulties and tragedies.  While I had faith in God's ability to provide healing for my husband, I felt very unsure as to whether He would say, "yes" to us.  I had lost sight of Jesus as my focal point.

     "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, 

     let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,                           fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. 

For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, 

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Hebrews 12: 1-3

When I keep my eyes focused on Jesus he shores up the painful limping I have incorporated into my life, helps me remove the things that are tripping up my legs, and puts me back on a straight path.  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart 

and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, 

and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Shifting my focus away from the pains and difficulties I have been through and/or are going through back to the cross keeps me in line with the heart of God and His will for my life.  He guides my steps  so that I can "run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint," soaring with renewed strength on wings like eagles.

Suffering with Job

I am blown away to read how Job, after losing not only his wealth but also his family in one fell swoop, then with his body ravaged by horrific illness and painful oozing sores with friends berating him, clings to his sure hope in God, for his Living Redeemer. A true inspiration, indeed!

Job 19:25-27 - New Living Translation

“But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!

Have you ever, when going through a health crisis or other personal crisis, had well-meaning friends decide to pray over you for forgiveness of your sin? Job's friends weren't even THAT good! They were more concerned about building up themselves than lifting up their brother in faith.

I’ve been there, had someone decide that my difficult post-op healing and even the need for the emergency surgery were due to my sin.  Seriously?   But if I am honest with myself and others, I've also been that person that was far from the encourager.   This will really make me think twice when I am tempted to place a judgment, even if only in my mind, on another believer’s life situation.  We have no idea what spiritual warfare is going on, what is transpiring in the heavenly realms.  Job was chosen for suffering, and he brought God glory.  Look at how all these thousands of years later believers still draw encouragement from how he drew upon his faith.  

Be a Job.  If God doesn’t call you to suffer, be a much better friend to someone whom God DOES call to suffer.  Encourage and prop them up when they are down.  That very person is as one that is talked about in Hebrews 11, referenced in Hebrews 12:1-2:

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Go back to Hebrews 11 and read about the great cloud of witnesses, those great men of faith of pressed on through difficult circumstances.  They had no idea that people throughout the ages would draw strength from their words and actions.  

Be a Job. or be a friend to a Job.

When the going gets tough, the tough...

           ...take a nap? ...drink a toddy and wait for it to pass? ...go shopping? ...pull up themselves up by their bootstraps?  My first reaction to lots of pressure is to take a bath.  It gives me time to get by myself where my kids won't bother me so I can think...or just relax before I try to think.  But seriously,  the going does get tough, and as a believer in the Living God I just have to be ready for that.  "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,"  James 1:1-3.  The apostle Paul didn't say "if you face trials;" he intended for us to know we would indeed face difficulties.  But what's this about joy in trials?  Why should I rejoice about my crises? Paul answers that question over and over, but here's a favorite of mine:


1 Peter 1:6-7
 ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

          Wow!  The end result is refining of my faith so that God will be glorified!  When God is glorified, others are drawn to the Father.  I can live with that knowing my suffering is only momentary in light of eternity.

           Back to the original question: What do I do--what should believers do-- when the going gets tough?  Paul also tells us that he sends other believers to encourage us and build us up in our faith so that we will be ready for the rough stretches.  

 

1 Thessalonians 3:2-4

² We sent Timothy, who is our brother and co-worker in God’s service in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, ³ so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them. ⁴ In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know.

          Since I am destined for trials, it would seem then that during the smooth, easy times I need to be soaking myself in God's Word, talking and listening to my Heavenly Father, breaking bread with the saints on earth.  All this builds and strengthens faith to prepare us for the trials that are sure to come.  Just as the believers in Paul's day could look to Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham in faith, we have our modern day cloud of witnesses and martyrs who have pressed on through incredible odds to bring glory and honor to the name of Jesus: 

    

Hebrews 12:1-2 

 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

           So there is even a reward--sitting at the right hand of God!  As His child who shares in Christ's sufferings I also share in His riches:
     
Romans 8:17
¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

           When the going gets tough, the tough aren't tough at all but in humility are made strong by the power of the cross through faith in the One and Only Son of God with a view to eternity.






 

  

Undo

I was just playing this silly little online game and didn't like the play I made.  I hit the "UNDO" button, and zip, the play was reversed.  I  then made a much better play.

I sure wish life had a fast UNDO button.  Just think, that stupid, hurtful remark slips out from your lips.  You immediately realized the error and unwanted potential consequences and hit the UNDO button.  BAMMM!  You get a do-over, and there is no harm to the relationship.

Sometimes it's even later than when the words slip out.  Not knowing what the other person is going through, their whole story, can make well-intentioned words that would be right in another situation the wrong words for this situation.  This seems to happen to me when I don't stop, breathe, and pray.  The Father knows all aspects of every life circumstance from all perspectives.  Asking Him for the best words, the best next action, is the surest way of not needing the UNDO button.