Crying

Friday, September 9th I was introduced to the new CEO at the rehab hospital where I work.  It feels like I have been crying ever since.  He is evil personified; he is slick, smooth, and tries to act folksy while cutting employee paid time off (holiday, vacation, and sick time all in one) from 26 days to 20 days per year and telling us we have to do better at making our customers happy while he cuts staff.  He's a shark.

I worked the next day, Saturday, to make up for having to take off Thursday for Steve's doctor appointments.

Then, of course, there are all the stories and TV documentaries surrounding Sunday's 10th anniversary of 9/11.

I could barely walk or stand at church Sunday because my foot pain was so bad.  Ditto Monday, but I still had to work.

Tuesday Steve and I took the day off for his colonoscopy and cardiology appointment and my orthopedist appointment.  Steve's appointments were okay, but my appointment, not so much.  While I was sure I could simply get another very painful injection in my very large, very painful neuroma and schedule surgery to remove it, doc found another problem.  Now I have to go for an EMG and Nerve Conduction test to determine if I have a problem in my back also.  This means it is longer before injection and surgery.

That means I can't quit my job or even give notice so that I can plan when I can start a new job.

The whole week has been very physically painful and just as discouraging.  Yesterday morning I was working with a patient who was cognitively impaired after spine surgery, and I had to try to lift and move her heavy body by myself.  There simply was not enough staff to help me because corporate keeps cutting staff.  I almost hurt my back because of them.  When the Shark sat at my lunch table only a couple of hours later to discuss a patient's care with another therapist, I could feel the presence of evil next to me. Really.  I couldn't look at him, and I had to leave right after he did, and all I could do is cry.

I worked again today, second Saturday in a row.  Nevermind all the various corporate investors and real estate companies that want their piece of the therapy pie, the insurance companies also have to make money off of us.  A patient who very much needs more rehab time will have to leave on Wednesday because her insurance company won't approve more time, compromising the progress she could make.  And I had to work overtime, again, without pay.

And today is the 39th anniversary of my Dad's death.  

I know God is in complete control of all of this. I also know that as a believer I have to love and forgive my enemies.  But do I have to have lunch with the enemy?  What does God want me to do with my whole complicated situation? Nothing.  I think God just may take care of all of it for me if I wait it out.   I believe it is not in my family's best interest for me to continue to work where I work so many hours and cannot be with them.  I wonder what is ahead.

Wake me up when September ends.