Saturday, November 5, 2011

Auditory Multi-Tasking

I am not an auditory multi-tasker. (Thank you Erica Watkins and Kelle Chitwood Gibson for the term.) I turn off the radio and get off the phone in traffic. I simply cannot compete with the noise from a TV when trying to talk to someone and am forever having to hit the "mute" button on patient's TVs. For that matter, seeing the brightly colored ever-changing scenes from the TV out of the corner of my eye is distracting even when it is on mute. Have to turn that off!


But I just cannot turn off the noise in my mind.  Trying to turn off all the previous conversations of the day, the messages left for me reminding me of that note that needs writing, that fax that needs sending,  Facebook posts I just cannot let go of-- all interfere and battle for my attention.  I try to listen to my kids but the white noise takes over.  Head hits the pillow  but  voices and images take over my intention to sleep.


In this age of technology there is an increasing need to unplug from all my media, all the requests and demands that take me away from time with my family and time with the Father.  Constant stimulation wears out the God-given fight or flight responses leaving no reserves for the real trials when the come, and they will come.  Never was a verse more appropriate as this:
"Be still and know that I am God."  Psalm 46:10

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Wringing Out The Sponge

Recently a good friend appropriately chastised me about the way I handle, or don't handle, stress. Water just doesn't roll off this back. I'll likely never be accused of being laid back! A few days later he said he spent the weekend thinking about it and realized that it is people like me who soak up that water that rolled off another's back. Hmmmm. Something to think about. But still, I need to learn to let go of that water I soaked up. I'm thinking I need to wring out that sponge of a heart and give it all up to God without trying to take any of it back. 

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30 

HIS burden is LIGHT; so why have I been so weighted down? I must be carrying another's burdens. Does The Deceiver taunt me, knowing that I will gladly carry burdens to the point of breaking down my health, rendering me useless for God's work? Or does Satan even have to work at it; it is my nature to hang on to things--pain, hurts, grudges, bitterness. In my flesh I am helpless to break this stranglehold.

 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high."  Leviticus 26:13

Oh wow! God already handled this a long, long time ago! He already broke the bars of the yoke I've been carrying. I choose to carry it around, even though the shackles no longer hold it to my head and shoulders. No wonder my neck and arms are so sore.

Last night I unburdened my heart to God, lifting up to Him all the people I could think of suffering with pain and chronic disease. Yes, even praying for myself and especially for my husband Steve. So it's okay for me to hurt with people, empathize, as long as I turn around and hand it all over to God. This morning I woke up happy, rested despite less sleep, and at peace. I have found a new ministry in praying for the saints in pain. And God has given me rest.













Saturday, October 8, 2011

Living with Regrets

My grandmother just entered a hospice tonight and is not expected to make it much more than a couple of days.  My flight to Oregon to see her leaves early this morning.  I want to sit and hold her hand even if she doesn't know me and is barely aware of my presence.

My regret is that I didn't go a couple of years ago when she would still know me.  I should have found a way to take my kids and go see her.  They needed to know their great grandma.  We all need that family connection, especially since her oldest son--my dad-- died so young.  I would think I was too busy, couldn't afford it, etc.  Blah blah blah.  Now she is almost gone and my kids never knew her.

Don't hold back love.  Give and give and give.

I wish I had spent a little more  down time with my mom.  So much of my time was spent caring for her that I didn't have much time for just visiting, playing games, watching movies.  I also should have brought her more fresh flowers.  We women love our flowers.

Don't get me wrong, I am not wallowing in self-pity or guilt, just expressing the "I wish-es" I am going through right now.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 3:13b-14

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Listed!

Yesterday was a pretty praiseworthy day for the Redding family, albeit bittersweet.

Steve has been listed for transplant.  He was accepted by the transplant committee after quite a battery of medical tests and examinations and labwork, and our insurance company was quick to approve the listing.

This wasn't great news to Steve, probably because it means he really does have a disease that will one day require transplant, and when going about day to day life this reality is easy to sort of deny because he feels pretty good most of the time.

So let's go through the Q & A time:
1.  When will he get a liver?  We don't know.  He doesn't need one right now.   It is amazing how diseased the liver can be and still get the job done.  Fortunately Steve is doing well at this time.

2.  How does someone get on a transplant list?  To get on the list a person must go through a huge, expensive battery of tests, labs, and examinations to show that you are healthy enough to recover from a transplant and take all the anti-rejection meds that will be required for the rest of your life.  After all that their case is presented to the transplant team for approval.  After that the insurance company has to approve it.

3.  How do they determine who gets a liver?  This is determined by the MELD score.


The Model for End-Stage Liver Disease (MELD) system was implemented February 27, 2002 to prioritize patients waiting for a liver transplant. MELD is a numerical scale used for adult liver transplant candidates. The range is from 6 (less ill) to 40 (gravely ill). The individual score determines how urgently a patient needs a liver transplant within the next three months. The number is calculated using the most recent laboratory tests. 

Lab values used in the MELD calculation:
  • Bilirubin, which measures how effectively the liver excretes bile;
  • INR (formally known as the prothrombin time), measures the liver’s ability to make blood clotting factors;
  • Creatinine, which measures kidney function. Impaired kidney function is often associated with severe liver disease.
Within the MELD continuous disease severity scale, there are four levels. As the MELD score increases, and the patient moves up to a new level, a new waiting time clock starts. Waiting time is carried backwards but not forward. If a patient moves to a lower MELD score, the waiting time accumulated at the higher score remains. When a patient moves to a higher MELD score, the waiting time at the lower level is not carried to the new level. The clock at the new level starts at 0. (Example: Patient has a MELD score of 15 and has been at level 11-18 for 100 days. With new laboratory tests, the patient’s MELD score is 22. The patient moves to a new MELD level of 19-24. The patient’s waiting time at this new level starts at 0 days). Waiting time is only used as a tie-breaker when patients have the same MELD score.

The four MELD levels are:
  • greater than or equal to 25
  • 24-19
  • 18-11
  • less than or equal to 10
The great news is that Steve is at a high level 1 or a low level 2 right now.  

4.  So how does he move up the list?  
      As he gets sicker, his labs will reflect that, and his MELD score will go up.  Generally, with his disease, the bilirubin level goes up the fastest, but it has the lowest weighting in the MELD score calculation.  So he could get pretty sick before he moves up the list. That's not good, but...
      We are hopeful that he will continue to stay where he is for a long time.  Since the last infection was precipitated by a surgical procedure and not by the disease itself, we hope that through good diet and righteous livin' he will stay clean, so to speak.

5.  Does our insurance pay for transplant?
      YES!  We are fortunate in that our insurance covers transplant as if it were any other surgery.  Our out-of-pocket expenses are low compared to some plans.  That said, I just paid an additional $600 in bills for the transplant evaluation and received another whopper for $1500.  You know, pocket change.

6.  Wouldn't it be better if he just got a transplant now before getting so sick?  
      Remember, this is a major, major surgery requiring another person lose their life for Steve to keep his.  He needs to be really very sick before such a huge surgery.  Once he has the transplant he will be on anti-rejection medications that supress the immune system for the rest of his life.  Medications have plenty of potential side effects.  And, while the risk is small, there is the risk of the disease recurring. 

7.   How does this disease impact our everyday life.  By and large, there is not the giant change in lifestyle that one might expect.  He is weaker and he gets more tired.  That means he often wants to just rest after work rather than do projects.  It takes him longer to get tasks done.  Quite a bit longer. 
      The kids worry about Dad and wish he could just get a transplant now.  I have to explain it from time to time.  I try hard not to think about it much, but how can I not?  I am in healthcare and have seen and known many people on the liver transplant list.  I had to stop researching on the internet because people's personal stories that I found were a little more than I can handle.    
     
The real story is that God's grace covers us on a daily basis, and He is enough.  He is true to his word when He tells us, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."   When I am afraid, I remember, "Do not fear for I am with you; do not be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my strong right arm."   

I leave you with this. When I start to focus on negative things, Phillipians 4:8 comes to mind, and I hope it does for you too: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  AMEN!
              

Monday, September 26, 2011

Eating my veggies

I need to eat more vegetables, so this morning I added onions, orange peppers and tomatoes to my scrambled eggs, and then I had a plant-based meal drink.  For lunch, a salad.  Dinner was a healthy version of tamale pie with lots and lots of chopped vegetables, tomatoes, turkey a little cheese and polenta.  The thing is, by starting my morning with vegetables my dietary mindset was changed for the day so that I wanted to keep eating healthy things.  

So it is with God's Word.  If I read The Word in the morning and spend some time meditating and praying, all day I have an eternal mindset and am better prepared for the trials and temptations of the day.

 1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 [a]fixing our eyes on Jesus, the [b]author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2

New Beginnings

Last Thursday I emailed my resignation to my boss, his boss, and to HR.  I chose to outline all the reasons I was leaving so that it would be on record with HR.  I have never been so disgruntled as to burn bridges, but after being treated like someone's harlot it was important to me to lay out the facts.  I think my dear HR friend appreciated it, even if my boss, not surprisingly, did not.  The good news is that they let me go on Friday with the 30 days pay for the notice I had given.  Amen.  

As it turns out, they would have let one of our new grads go on Friday, as they did with one of the Occupational Therapists, had I not resigned.  I saved her job...for now.  They are cutting staff.  This is a good thing since they keep making people stay home when the census is low.  

The beautiful thing is that I already have a job lined up, and I have to leave in a few minutes to go do new hire paperwork.  I didn't plan on needing to return to home health, but at least I can practice in a safe, ethical setting and take care of my kids and home more easily.  

So now I go, looking forward to the badly needed extra pay that will come to me this Friday from the old job and to the new things God has ahead that He has orchestrated, as He did this job.  Thank you Jesus!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Crying

Friday, September 9th I was introduced to the new CEO at the rehab hospital where I work.  It feels like I have been crying ever since.  He is evil personified; he is slick, smooth, and tries to act folksy while cutting employee paid time off (holiday, vacation, and sick time all in one) from 26 days to 20 days per year and telling us we have to do better at making our customers happy while he cuts staff.  He's a shark.

I worked the next day, Saturday, to make up for having to take off Thursday for Steve's doctor appointments.

Then, of course, there are all the stories and TV documentaries surrounding Sunday's 10th anniversary of 9/11.

I could barely walk or stand at church Sunday because my foot pain was so bad.  Ditto Monday, but I still had to work.

Tuesday Steve and I took the day off for his colonoscopy and cardiology appointment and my orthopedist appointment.  Steve's appointments were okay, but my appointment, not so much.  While I was sure I could simply get another very painful injection in my very large, very painful neuroma and schedule surgery to remove it, doc found another problem.  Now I have to go for an EMG and Nerve Conduction test to determine if I have a problem in my back also.  This means it is longer before injection and surgery.

That means I can't quit my job or even give notice so that I can plan when I can start a new job.

The whole week has been very physically painful and just as discouraging.  Yesterday morning I was working with a patient who was cognitively impaired after spine surgery, and I had to try to lift and move her heavy body by myself.  There simply was not enough staff to help me because corporate keeps cutting staff.  I almost hurt my back because of them.  When the Shark sat at my lunch table only a couple of hours later to discuss a patient's care with another therapist, I could feel the presence of evil next to me. Really.  I couldn't look at him, and I had to leave right after he did, and all I could do is cry.

I worked again today, second Saturday in a row.  Nevermind all the various corporate investors and real estate companies that want their piece of the therapy pie, the insurance companies also have to make money off of us.  A patient who very much needs more rehab time will have to leave on Wednesday because her insurance company won't approve more time, compromising the progress she could make.  And I had to work overtime, again, without pay.

And today is the 39th anniversary of my Dad's death.  

I know God is in complete control of all of this. I also know that as a believer I have to love and forgive my enemies.  But do I have to have lunch with the enemy?  What does God want me to do with my whole complicated situation? Nothing.  I think God just may take care of all of it for me if I wait it out.   I believe it is not in my family's best interest for me to continue to work where I work so many hours and cannot be with them.  I wonder what is ahead.

Wake me up when September ends.

Friday, August 12, 2011

No News is just No News

As of today we still know nothing in regard to Steve's transplant evaluation.  He is still in the evaluation process, a process which apparently takes MUCH longer than this girl thought it did.  On September 8th, also my 49th birthday, we go for the next follow-up and more specialist appointments.  We will just take it as a day for us.  We will go to some cool shops in the Bishop Arts District and go out to eat so that the whole day is not just medical.

In the meantime, Steve is doing well.  He has some really itchy nights, a side effect of the disease, but otherwise is quite good, thanks be to God!

Tomorrow we leave for  a vacation to Tennessee where we will go white water rafting, hit some cool historical sights, and have a good time with friends.  Please keep our safety and relaxation in your prayers.   God knows how much we need to relax!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Catching Up

Today my husband Steve and I celebrated our 19th anniversary!  We actually spent Saturday celebrating but had a quick dinner out without kids tonight and shared cards with each other.

We still do not know the status of Steve's transplant evaluation. He had to  have a second TB test; no, he does not have TB, but his first test was inconclusive.  That delayed the process.  In the meantime, Steve's family members have been descending upon our house every Saturday to help us complete all the work for the renovation.  As exhausting as the process is, it is so encouraging to see family in action.  I see Jesus in these men.  The smiles speak volumes of the love put into the labor.

Now we are trying to plan an end of summer vacation on a, to put it politely, limited budget.  hmmmmm.  But our family needs a vacation.  Originally we planned on Destin, but now we have nixed that in order to go for something a little friendlier on our billfold--visiting friends in Tennessee or perhaps elsewhere.  How cool would that be if cousins from the east coast could meet up with us somewhere. The big thing is relaxing.  Chilling out with some boating, fishing, soaking in the Appalachian air.  I feel myself being transported as I type.....

Thursday, June 9, 2011

cracked pot chronicles: My Husband Steve has a Liver Disease

cracked pot chronicles: My Husband Steve has a Liver Disease

My Husband Steve has a Liver Disease

The Disease: Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis
This disease starts as inflammation in the bile ducts and progresses to scar tissue which eventually spreads to the liver causing cirrhosis and liver failure. There are numerous possible complications, some of which Steve has, some he does not have--so far.  He was diagnosed with this disease in 2007.  We have been blessed to have gone this long without too many problems, but now the disease is progressing, and all the doctors agree that it is time to look toward liver transplant.
Steve goes to The Liver Institute at Dallas Methodist Hospital.  Methodist has a long history as a leading transplant provider.  We are very confident in their capable team.

The Transplant Evaluation
Steve recently underwent a Transplant Evaluation.  To get on "The List" that we all hear about, a potential candidate must go through a battery of medical evaluations to determine if the person is healthy enough to survive the transplant and the medications that will follow.  Steve is in great health other than this disgusting disease!
The Transplant Team meets on Thursdays to decide who is an appropriate transplant candidate for "The List".  We will hear about this later this week.

MELD Score:
This is how people get ranked on The List.  It is calculated from 3 lab tests.  Right now we do not know his MELD score.  The surgeon thinks it is probably going to be between 10-and 13.  In this region a person needs a score between 25-30 to move up on the list for high priority.  
            With Steve's disease it could  be years before his MELD score is that high because the lab value that will worsen the quickest gets the least weight in the MELD score calculation.  And Steve needs a liver sooner rather than later because the longer he has his own liver, the more likely he is to develop cancer in his bile duct, known as cholangiocarcinoma, one of the possible complications of his disease.  
            The good thing is that while he may not shoot to the top of The List, he can take a liver that isn't A+ quality which someone else higher on the list rejected and be cured!  Because Steve is in such good health otherwise, he does not need a super duper healthy liver; he can take a less than perfect one, and that liver will eventually catch up to his great health.  yay! 

FAQ’s
 How did Steve get this disease? No one knows. The disease is difficult to research because so few people have it. At any given time there may be 1000 people in the US with PSC.  They know it is not genetic. 
  1.  What will happen if Steve doesn’t get  a transplant?  Let’s just not go there.  Short of divine intervention or transplant,  the progression of this disease can be pretty nasty and end badly. 
  2. Can he take a partial living transplant?  Partial transplants from living donors are done less and less because of the very high risks to the donors.  They have to harvest 2/3 of the donor’s liver to give to the recipient.  For someone Steve’s size, that would require a really huge donor!  Even so, it is a very very poor option and is done in a rare few hospitals in the country.
  3. I thought the liver regenerated itself. Why doesn’t it just heal?           When the body is attacking itself, as is the case in this auto-immune disease, the liver just gets sicker and sicker and drags the rest of the body down with it. 
  4. Isn’t there a medicine he can take to treat it?  There is no known effective treatment.  The medication Steve took for the last 4 years has recently been shown to improve lab scores while the disease continues it’s progression. 
  5. How much does a transplant cost?  I do not know the cost, but we have great coverage with our insurance!  That said, there will be my time off of work, medications, and who knows what else.  We are trying to get our ducks in a row so that we will be as prepared as possible.
  6.  What can I do to help?    First and foremost, pray for Steve’s health, for us to make some lifestyle changes, for the kids and for a new liver.   We may wind up having fundraisers later on.  We’ll keep you posted.  Right now we are just trying to get the renovations completed on our home so that the stress burden will be lightened on all of us. 


I hope this has been helpful and has answered your questions.  If you have anymore questions, please feel free to email me. 

Lisa Redding
lisareddingpt@mac.com